Friday, September 14, 2012


I used to be somebody you can rely on. I’d always be willing to help out at the drop of a hat and made time for other people regardless of what I was doing. As such I ended up doing practically every job at church.

As time went on and I settled into a routine in my new house I became a reliable person. I was always there when I said I would be, arriving early, not late. I became a creature of habit, Wednesday was fencing, Monday dancing, 7am Saturdays at the beach drinking coffee.

But then I found that people couldn’t rely on me. I couldn’t fill in on sound desk because I was singing. I couldn’t catch up for tea because today is dancing and tomorrow is bible study. I couldn’t go to the movies because I needed to sleep in preparation for Sojourn.

I was a predictable creature of habit, at I didn’t really mind so much.

Gradually I found out that I was only going dancing because it was what I did, and I never just participated in a church service. Whereas I really would have liked to go out for tea and watch a movie and just be a minion and participate as one of the extras. I don’t want to help out of obligation I want to help because I enjoy peoples appreciation of my time.

So with my priorities rearranged I changed my movements and motivations. As a result I stood a few people up and made last minute changes to my schedule which upset a few people.

Nevertheless these things happen, somebody will always get upset. So I apologized and reconsidered my actions again. I’m still learning who I want to be, and making mistakes. What I need is a balance in life, not stability. I want to be both reliable and, well, reliable. I suppose stability never changes and balance constantly changes. So I should be both able to drop my plans at a moment’s notice and yet always be there every week.

Are you somebody who is steadfast? A constant source of support?

Are you someone people can rely upon? Giving total dedication when needed?